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I just discovered what joy it was, to while away hours talking with jiaomei, not talking, listening, stoning. It's like, I had all the time in the world! All the will and the capacity to do nothing nothing at all. It's time I honour such moments and such indulgence.
above all,

I am grateful that I have survived 18 years in this cut-throat world, cut-throat not because of modern civilisation or shady interpersonal relations, but simply for the unpredictability and impermanence of life.

18 and counting
Yo shorty, it (was) my birthday.

Haha, I'm having trouble starting this entry. What should I mention? The surprises? The disappointments (massive)? The reflections? The resolutions? The aspirations?

With my current state of mind I'll just talk about the tangibles i.e. the things that happened (vis-a-vis those that did not). I got a lot of reasons to be thankful :

load of amusing messages from people
nice verbal wish that brought a smile to my face while studying for econs
high time hanging with the mates
quick nice birthday song from the girls right before the exam
finally a chance to wear my hightops with the skinnies tucked in (!)
full-attendance family dinner :D at hei se hui with the most bea-uuuuuu-tiful view (although we didn't get to dine at brotweit! ):
adorable squadmates held this conference call for Sherin and i, but they were just giggling and giggling :D the birthday song was shweet though! thanks guys.

and da highlight of the day... MEETING JIAOMEI (:
awesome man, with such late notice she could come to meet me. thanks for the green tea frappe and latte overdose and panna cotta and your intentionally-off-tune birthday song! havoc man. we talked at starbucks until 2347 when i realised that the last train was gone. so decided to stay and wait for the brother, but then jm's parents wanted her to go home, so we went to her place. her mum and bro came to pick us up. she was very sweetyyy to play her guitar and sing for me ! i was getting sleepier by the hour, after all i woke up at 7plus yesterday morning. but yeah it was fun. :D i started to like Billy too! squirmy and stretchy, and i found a new home for him - on a pencil!
yeah talked and chilled until 2+, 3 when my brother finally called and while waiting for him and his friends to come, jm got me to play with her CUTE (haha jmmmm) sleeping dog Rico. he's so big and furry and gentle when he's sleeping, like duh haha.

next nice thing was that my bro's friends didn't mind coming to pick me up. they were going for prata supper after that so i had to go too, but of course i didn't mind cos they picked me up! and it was interesting to sit in in a conversation among adults, about their coming trip and christmas party etc.

so my brother and i got home at 4+ and i went to bed at 5am. 5am! but yeah, it was a special birthday ! and then this morning i got woken up at 0845 because... jolyn and rachel came to surprise me but of course i knew it was them! that's what you get for having surprises for each of our birthday, haha! yeah and they brought me b&j's for my 'cake', and it was fun just joking and all, plus the mock family portrait (for which i had to call a sleeping jiaomei to ask how to use the self-timer in my camera, what a loser i am!). then they left and i went back to sleep till 1.

and now i'm going to sleep again despite not putting in much work for chemistry, but i'm dozing off so i have to. (:

can't wait to get out with squadmates (and celebrate with Sherin's for the 6th year running), the girls and my classmates!


It is an attack on all fronts.

And I am left battered and bruised, wounds bleeding and without a cure?
I only know to close the book after it is opened and the chapter read

and not to burn it

I feel like a baby.
On all accounts, I am not ready to be eighteen at all.

I mean it.

Too much fear resides in me, and I bewilder myself every moment of that bleak, doleful intermittence.

It is times like this that I
crumble ,

looking for a thing to fix me
but never too willing to give in. To disclose or to submit.
I discovered a way to separate my posts without drawing that long dotted line across. Have a title. So words in grey are titles that double as same day-post-separators, alright? Zzzz.
刚才看了十分钟的 <<我的甜蜜首尔>>， 我的眼泪就落下来了！
真的很伤感。 太武要离开的时候，他说的那些话。。。
(他很帅耶！)
太武真的是理想情人。 理想姐弟恋的 "弟弟"。他好体谅人哦，很成熟！
虽然我起初觉得他俩很不登对，但我现在很希望他们会在一起！
剧里的情感很真实，恩秀的困扰很真实。。。

我不知道怎么查询饰太武的演员的资料。。。 该怎么办才好?

/edit: 找到了！我找到了！
I hate saying this, just because it sounds so very cliched and disgusting.
But cos it's true I have to say it.
Two years have past so fast.

Some time on I'll probably be looking back at these couple of years, even the very first decision to come here...
I admit that as much as I say I don't like it here, I still have feelings for it, la.
Of course.

I just need to look at photographs. Photographs of me, with people whom... I'd never have known if I didn't choose this way. (Perhaps I would, later on in my life. But it's different neh.)

That, I'm grateful for.

It was a big step forward!


These few days, I've been opening my eyes, and having a little fun on my own - away from thinking about it.
I think I should just be young and go... where the wild things are. I don't know what I'm saying, trust me. Just living in my little world for now...

We went to eat at mosburger today.
Haven't been there in damn long.
Nice respite from
the business that has gotten everyone all tensed up.
alltensedup.
Hahaha (alldressedup - i love the way it sounds and looks! + the font.)

I got 4 papers left.
Sometimes we misuse the word "unbelievable", cos some things are quite believable.
But this, is really unbelievable.
FOUR papers left only?!

I feel so sorry about international history.
allmessedup.
Well not that bad, not a screwup. Just very, not-impressive.

It started raining again. Night rain, perfect.
Plus, the rain is straight-falling. Which means that I don't have to close the windows i.e. not stuffy.


Candy is good for the soul.

And it doesn't hurt to indulge once in a while, without regard. With no strings attached of course.

Distance is good for the soul, too. Really good. I think.
Hello.

I need the struggle.
I survived an Oxford interview!

That's just about the positive thing I can say about it. Feel that I certainly did okay, but didn't impress. Didn't. So I can just keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best! At least I know I tried. And it was fun, the interview itself and the things I did to prepare for it. Reading up on politics was definitely one of them. Kudos to Mr Lim for lending me his notes. I'm glad that my seemingly rash decision (To be honest, I had no clear idea what studying pol science was about) to apply for H&P turns out to be a good one, because I really do enjoy the politics bit. Which is why I am a little disappointed that I didn't get to talk much about politics, and the only time I did, I didn't give a very good answer (Good answer = concise and interesting). My thoughts were all over the place, and well if I do get a favourable response, I guess it would have to be that the prof saw some potential. But I really think that my potential is way lower than the level that Oxford would love to have at their college. I really felt I could do better though, but what's done's done. So yeah, keeping fingers crossed! :) Now HAT to think about, and I'm so not confident about that...

MFA roundtable discussion tomorrow. Another reason to keep my fingers crossed. Am excited, though daunted, especially traumatised by the mock interview I had a few weeks ago. Sigh I'll just try my best!

I swear the Stabilo Boss highlighter refill is the most interesting thing. It's like, milking a cow.
Another bad day.
I've had enough bad days for now.

You know, I can just crumble and fade away.
I just need to get through this.

Darling you will make it.
Sleeping at ten.
i need to convince myself that

at the grand old age of 17,
i have become irrelevant in this world.

i have lost touch with this world.

i am an old fogey.

always been.




on a sidenote, i freaking took a freaking leap of faith again today. the two 'freaking's are there to underscore what a great leap it was. and i'm glad i took it. even more glad that i took a nap after that, so when i woke up, it all felt like a dream. haha. wonderness.

i am truly sianed sianed sianed.
I can't believe I actually thought it was so at that moment. It's such a funny joke.
Lucky I didn't say that to anyone man. So stupidly funny.





But then again, there was every reason to think it so.
Haha.

sock
2011
nynp/vjsg


Adopted Trees.

I just discovered what joy it was, to while away hours talking with jiaomei, not talking, listening, stoning. It's like, I had all the time in the world! All the will and the capacity to do nothing nothing at all. It's time I honour such moments and such indulgence.
above all,

I am grateful that I have survived 18 years in this cut-throat world, cut-throat not because of modern civilisation or shady interpersonal relations, but simply for the unpredictability and impermanence of life.

18 and counting
Yo shorty, it (was) my birthday.

Haha, I'm having trouble starting this entry. What should I mention? The surprises? The disappointments (massive)? The reflections? The resolutions? The aspirations?

With my current state of mind I'll just talk about the tangibles i.e. the things that happened (vis-a-vis those that did not). I got a lot of reasons to be thankful :

load of amusing messages from people
nice verbal wish that brought a smile to my face while studying for econs
high time hanging with the mates
quick nice birthday song from the girls right before the exam
finally a chance to wear my hightops with the skinnies tucked in (!)
full-attendance family dinner :D at hei se hui with the most bea-uuuuuu-tiful view (although we didn't get to dine at brotweit! ):
adorable squadmates held this conference call for Sherin and i, but they were just giggling and giggling :D the birthday song was shweet though! thanks guys.

and da highlight of the day... MEETING JIAOMEI (:
awesome man, with such late notice she could come to meet me. thanks for the green tea frappe and latte overdose and panna cotta and your intentionally-off-tune birthday song! havoc man. we talked at starbucks until 2347 when i realised that the last train was gone. so decided to stay and wait for the brother, but then jm's parents wanted her to go home, so we went to her place. her mum and bro came to pick us up. she was very sweetyyy to play her guitar and sing for me ! i was getting sleepier by the hour, after all i woke up at 7plus yesterday morning. but yeah it was fun. :D i started to like Billy too! squirmy and stretchy, and i found a new home for him - on a pencil!
yeah talked and chilled until 2+, 3 when my brother finally called and while waiting for him and his friends to come, jm got me to play with her CUTE (haha jmmmm) sleeping dog Rico. he's so big and furry and gentle when he's sleeping, like duh haha.

next nice thing was that my bro's friends didn't mind coming to pick me up. they were going for prata supper after that so i had to go too, but of course i didn't mind cos they picked me up! and it was interesting to sit in in a conversation among adults, about their coming trip and christmas party etc.

so my brother and i got home at 4+ and i went to bed at 5am. 5am! but yeah, it was a special birthday ! and then this morning i got woken up at 0845 because... jolyn and rachel came to surprise me but of course i knew it was them! that's what you get for having surprises for each of our birthday, haha! yeah and they brought me b&j's for my 'cake', and it was fun just joking and all, plus the mock family portrait (for which i had to call a sleeping jiaomei to ask how to use the self-timer in my camera, what a loser i am!). then they left and i went back to sleep till 1.

and now i'm going to sleep again despite not putting in much work for chemistry, but i'm dozing off so i have to. (:

can't wait to get out with squadmates (and celebrate with Sherin's for the 6th year running), the girls and my classmates!


It is an attack on all fronts.

And I am left battered and bruised, wounds bleeding and without a cure?
I only know to close the book after it is opened and the chapter read

and not to burn it

I feel like a baby.
On all accounts, I am not ready to be eighteen at all.

I mean it.

Too much fear resides in me, and I bewilder myself every moment of that bleak, doleful intermittence.

It is times like this that I
crumble ,

looking for a thing to fix me
but never too willing to give in. To disclose or to submit.
I discovered a way to separate my posts without drawing that long dotted line across. Have a title. So words in grey are titles that double as same day-post-separators, alright? Zzzz.
刚才看了十分钟的 <<我的甜蜜首尔>>， 我的眼泪就落下来了！
真的很伤感。 太武要离开的时候，他说的那些话。。。
(他很帅耶！)
太武真的是理想情人。 理想姐弟恋的 "弟弟"。他好体谅人哦，很成熟！
虽然我起初觉得他俩很不登对，但我现在很希望他们会在一起！
剧里的情感很真实，恩秀的困扰很真实。。。

我不知道怎么查询饰太武的演员的资料。。。 该怎么办才好?

/edit: 找到了！我找到了！
I hate saying this, just because it sounds so very cliched and disgusting.
But cos it's true I have to say it.
Two years have past so fast.

Some time on I'll probably be looking back at these couple of years, even the very first decision to come here...
I admit that as much as I say I don't like it here, I still have feelings for it, la.
Of course.

I just need to look at photographs. Photographs of me, with people whom... I'd never have known if I didn't choose this way. (Perhaps I would, later on in my life. But it's different neh.)

That, I'm grateful for.

It was a big step forward!


These few days, I've been opening my eyes, and having a little fun on my own - away from thinking about it.
I think I should just be young and go... where the wild things are. I don't know what I'm saying, trust me. Just living in my little world for now...

We went to eat at mosburger today.
Haven't been there in damn long.
Nice respite from
the business that has gotten everyone all tensed up.
alltensedup.
Hahaha (alldressedup - i love the way it sounds and looks! + the font.)

I got 4 papers left.
Sometimes we misuse the word "unbelievable", cos some things are quite believable.
But this, is really unbelievable.
FOUR papers left only?!

I feel so sorry about international history.
allmessedup.
Well not that bad, not a screwup. Just very, not-impressive.

It started raining again. Night rain, perfect.
Plus, the rain is straight-falling. Which means that I don't have to close the windows i.e. not stuffy.


Candy is good for the soul.

And it doesn't hurt to indulge once in a while, without regard. With no strings attached of course.

Distance is good for the soul, too. Really good. I think.
Hello.

I need the struggle.
I survived an Oxford interview!

That's just about the positive thing I can say about it. Feel that I certainly did okay, but didn't impress. Didn't. So I can just keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best! At least I know I tried. And it was fun, the interview itself and the things I did to prepare for it. Reading up on politics was definitely one of them. Kudos to Mr Lim for lending me his notes. I'm glad that my seemingly rash decision (To be honest, I had no clear idea what studying pol science was about) to apply for H&P turns out to be a good one, because I really do enjoy the politics bit. Which is why I am a little disappointed that I didn't get to talk much about politics, and the only time I did, I didn't give a very good answer (Good answer = concise and interesting). My thoughts were all over the place, and well if I do get a favourable response, I guess it would have to be that the prof saw some potential. But I really think that my potential is way lower than the level that Oxford would love to have at their college. I really felt I could do better though, but what's done's done. So yeah, keeping fingers crossed! :) Now HAT to think about, and I'm so not confident about that...

MFA roundtable discussion tomorrow. Another reason to keep my fingers crossed. Am excited, though daunted, especially traumatised by the mock interview I had a few weeks ago. Sigh I'll just try my best!

I swear the Stabilo Boss highlighter refill is the most interesting thing. It's like, milking a cow.
Another bad day.
I've had enough bad days for now.

You know, I can just crumble and fade away.
I just need to get through this.

Darling you will make it.
Sleeping at ten.
i need to convince myself that

at the grand old age of 17,
i have become irrelevant in this world.

i have lost touch with this world.

i am an old fogey.

always been.




on a sidenote, i freaking took a freaking leap of faith again today. the two 'freaking's are there to underscore what a great leap it was. and i'm glad i took it. even more glad that i took a nap after that, so when i woke up, it all felt like a dream. haha. wonderness.

i am truly sianed sianed sianed.
I can't believe I actually thought it was so at that moment. It's such a funny joke.
Lucky I didn't say that to anyone man. So stupidly funny.





But then again, there was every reason to think it so.
Haha.

1. a random realisation
2. the essence
3. 20112009
4. 四面楚歌
5. Too fast
6. Slow i am
7. 刚才看了十分钟的 <<我的甜蜜首尔>>， 我的眼泪就落下来了！ 真的很伤感。 太武要离开的时候，他说...
8. a separate post
9. These few days, I've been opening my eyes, and hav...
10. Hello. I need the struggle.

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